Why is That?

Deep question of the week:  Why does it seem that my faith in God on a particular subject of one area of my life is at its weakest when my faith in other areas of my life are on a high and in other areas my faith is being proved?

Other people seem to be so even keeled, either they have great faith in God for everything or mediocre faith in God for not much. 

I, on the other hand, feel like I am on a teeter totter.

Or is it really just a matter of putting on a brave front.  You know, like the saying, fake it until you make it.  Like makeup in the morning, a person gets up and puts their faith face on.  Funny, I was never very good at that either. The make-up thing, by the time I remembered to put it on most people had already seen my unmade face, what did it really matter then?  Or when I did get into it, I wasn’t fooling any one, any one with half a brain could see that my eyebrows didn’t go all the way over to the end of my eye.

What is really hilarious is that I see God constantly catching me.  In those times when I refuse to heed what the Holy Spirit is saying, and go on my own, I am ultimately unmolested for another day, another try.  Oh make no mistake, Dear Reader,  I carry the natural consequences of messing up, of disobedience, of faithlessness, but ultimately God is good to me even in my abundant foolishness. 

It is so obvious that if I just listened, shut up and listened, things would be so much better.  Not on my timeline perhaps and not necessarily the picture I want to paint, but a better one even than what I could conjure up.  So what’s the problem, why can I not let go of some of those last little bits and have faith that God will see me through, my family through, my friends through, in His way, in the right time, with the right ones. 

My faithlessness in God for certain areas of my life is so downright silly really.  I believe, I know God is, I know He has saved me from eternal estrangement from Him and the torment that would be forever and that, only through His only Son.   If I know this, why do I see anything as impossible?  And really isn’t that what faithlessness is, saying in essence that something is impossible in God?

What I do know for certain is impossible, is for me to see things as God sees them or that He could give a person everything they ask for.  That would be ridiculous.  So I am not here lamenting that everything isn’t going my way and then making that be my basis for lack of faith in the midst of all things.

In actuality, if I give it a moment of true thought, I do have faith, if I pray and talk with my Father in heaven, lean on Jesus, listen to the Counselor, I find that I’m not in a tough spot, that I can stand up straight, not curled up in the fetal position, neither figuratively nor literally.  That no matter the outcome, or my perspective on it, God has perfect purpose. Perfect purpose.  Perfect design. My job, my only job, is to follow, to heed His word, to make sure that the voice that I listen to is indeed His, if I do that, listen, hear and obey, then all will be good.

So really it isn’t faith I lack, it’s bad memory I have.  It’s allowing panic and worry to take over, it’s letting the Enemy have his way with me.  It’s forgetting who I am, that I have my freedom from bondage.  Forgetting that I am Free.

So please forgive me Dear Reader if you have had to witness my faithlessness, my forgetfulness.